i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
