Don't make out with my wife yet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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