she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love accidental penises.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
