I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Holy shit dude........stairs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
