i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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