I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
