If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize