I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
