At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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