Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
