Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
