yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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