I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
