Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
