If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
