You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
