is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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