This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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