my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
