dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize