I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
