hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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