im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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