hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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