even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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