You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
