we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
