If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
