Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
