I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
