how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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