i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
