so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
