why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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