Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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