Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize