I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
