All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
