OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
