Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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