wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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