this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
