I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
