i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
