we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so let's talk penis.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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