I'm jealous of your bromance
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
