Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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