Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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