meet me or not, i'm out of control
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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