I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
