It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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