I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize