my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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