Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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