If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
