While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
