I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
