Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
