I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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