I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
True strength comes from lack of pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
