if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
