I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Terrible idea I love it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
