Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
