my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
