You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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