i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
