apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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