I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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