Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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