you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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