Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
